The Life & Style Edition

So basically I used to love buying trashy magazines like Us Weekly or In Touch. It was easy reading, perfect for a day at the beach or a plane ride. But for the past few years I haven't been able to bring myself to buy one because of the cover stories. Sure, there would still be some entertaining crap inside as there has always been, but basically reality stars have taken over the magazines and I can't condone that. If Kate Gosselin is on the cover, I will not buy it. Period. But even on the inside it's just more stories of other reality stars. The reason I'm saying any of this is that while flying to Dallas this weekend I caved and bought Life & Style. On the cover: Kristen Cavalari (sp? don't care) and Beyonce (not sure how to do the accent over the e but I think you know who I'm talking about) and the headline "last-minute bikini body." Was I really going to read this for weight loss tips? No, because I don't have money for a personal trainer so it's all moot. But it was the only one that didn't have Jake and Vienna on the cover. I shudder to think that I know their names.

I will now share with you some of the highlights from the magazine. Hopefully I can include photos if google search is kind to me.

1. A picture of Jennifer Garner and what they say is her 4 yr old Violet feeding a horse. She is obviously not holding a 4 year old, it's the other one, whatever her name is. Way to fuck up right off the bat, L & S.

2. Is it just me or does Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy look like Patrick Bateman? That's not a compliment, I'm not saying he looks like Christian Bale. I'm saying he looks like he would kill a bitch.

3. There is a series of photos of soccer stars showing off their abs. Maybe I should be paying attention to the world cup, this looks like it happens a lot. (this is the one thing the magazine does right)

4. Jake and Vienna SPLIT! I fucking read the whole article. I feel so dirty.

5. Jeremy London got fat, but I think that's what happens to drug addicts. Although I think meth makes you skinny, so he should maybe switch to that now.

6. Oh yes, my favorite part. "Britney Ruins her Boyfriend." On the left a picture of a clean cut boyfriend with the caption "Then- August 2005 Squeky-Clean"...and on the right a picture of him looking like a disheveled Wayne Coyne after he "kidnapped" Jeremy London and forced him to do crack with him with the caption "Now- June 2010 Full-On Hobo." (I wish I could find the actual picture because it is so much better) I've decided Full-On Hobo is officially the name of my non-existent band.

I'm sure I could go on, but I don't want to.

R.