Post No Bills

Living in LA I see a lot of movie posters everywhere I go. Sometimes they just post 10 in a row...of the same poster. In case you missed the first 5, you still have 5 more after that. I think you know what I'm talking about but usually on a wall like this (which either allows bills to be posted or maybe the spray painted warning is just ignored). It wasn't so much like this in Texas to the point that my friend's mom actually thought Daddy Day Care was a real place when she kept seeing it on the sides of busses. Anyway, my point is I see a lot of posters and the ones that really catch my eye are the shitty ones. Here are a few that I'm currently hating.




The Switch. Originally called The Baster. As in Turkey Baster if you didn't get that. I think that's a much better title. But this poster is just idiotic. If I had wanted to see the movie before, this would make me not want to see it. I love Jason Bateman, but poor thing got dragged into a Jennifer Aniston movie. Which means it's going to be like every other movie she does- bad. I honestly just don't even know what's going on in this picture. So I looked up the premise on imdb to see if it could help me figure it out:
An unmarried 40-year-old woman turns to a turkey baster in order to become pregnant. Seven years later, she reunites with her best friend, who has been living with a secret: he replaced her preferred sperm sample with his own.
Why is he looking at the cup like that? It's like he's disgusted even though he's going to voluntarily put his sperm in it without even being asked. And I can't even make out the expression on her face. I would say surprise maybe, but there is something off about it. Either way, this poster sucks.

I couldn't find one for Charlie St. Cloud that I could post as a picture so you will just have to go to the previous link to look at it. The tag line- Life is for living- is really fucking gay. And I don't mean in the homosexual sense, I mean in the lame sense. I'm not even going to post the plot because it doesn't even matter. No one cares.

That's all I have for now but fear not, I'm sure I'll be back with other posters I hate. These are just the ones I saw on my way to work today.

R.

The News Raider of England

Dlisted coined the fat guy in the video The News Raider of England (hence my title). You can find more of his background appearances here (if you are inclined to entertain yourself as I just did). I remember when Matthew McConaughey came to Longview for a premiere of A Time to Kill and Extra was there and I tried to pull the same maneuver, aka popping up ever so casually behind Jan Carl. Of course I was 16 and just ended up giggling a lot, didn't play it near as non-chalantly as this dude. He may be fat and unattractive, but that doesn't mean he's not awesome. He may be my new hero.

It's exactly like the Corleone Family, except there's no morality and everyone is Fredo

I have to thank Rosemery for sending this to me. If you're thinking to yourself, sure it looks funny, but why do I care? It's because the guy in the middle is actually a cast member from Jersey Shore who calls himself "The Situation" but his real name is Mike. This nickname can be used in many contexts, often to refer to his abs, sometimes to actually refer to a situation. If you don't know the show, this article about how Jersey Shore is the worst thing to happen to the East Coast since 9/11 is the best way to quickly familiarize yourself. It's also hilarious.

And if you're wondering why the photo of what looks like an acapella group, it's actually from a site featuring a series of awkward family photos. I love it so much I actually had one printed (see below) and put it on my fridge. It really throws people off when they see it because they can't help but wonder how I know these people but I must since I have a picture of them actually printed on photo paper.

I was bored and made myself into a cartoon. I look much cooler animated. I think it's the way animated me is standing. I just look like I don't give a shit. And surprisingly it didn't turn out like this.

The Viral Edition

I was bored the other night and just started going back to look at old videos that had once made me laugh. And guess what- they still do. Enjoy.

This is one of the first videos I remember getting via email and actually sending to other people as well as watching repeatedly. It's a video of a bell ringer at a college football game but it's so much more than just that. I think the body of the email leading up to it really built up the suspense, making it all the more hilarious when you actually saw it. It's too bad I can't remember what the email said.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifinakis. All of these are funny but it's the Natalie Portman "V for Vagina" part that gets me every time. I'm very mature.

My "Not Gay" Commercial from Fred Simmons. If you haven't seen The Foot Fist Way, see it immediately. There are several parody commercials on funny or die including his "Don't Get Raped" Commercial. Solid advice Fred, solid advice.

I have never forgotten the SNL commercial for Homocil. To this day you can still here me spouting off the occasional "who wants creme brule?" or "look what I made, isn't it fabulous?" Never gets old.

And another SNL parody, The Fast and the Bi-Curious. "Why am I shaking?" 'Nuff said.

I really wanted to find this other SNL commercial for Philadelphia Action Figures, as in based on the Tom Hanks AIDS movie, mainly just to hear one kid say with his little action figure "You have AIDS, you're fired!" while the other responds with "No, you're fired" then propels a net onto the other action figure. It was pretty good.

Oh, and did you hear Lindsay Lohan went to jail today. I didn't know although that would have helped explain the sounds of helicopters disturbing my slumber this morning. I thought I had been magically transplanted into the middle east. Can't we just let work towards her stint on Celebrity Rehab in peace?

Randomness.

Even though I do love him, Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk would be some seriously bad casting. I just don't see him as any kind of superhero. And that is a terrible picture of him next to the article (and posted above)- he looks old and confused.

My coworker just showed me this Christian Bale/Mel Gibson mash up. I think it would be even better if you added in a little Alec Baldwin rant to mix things up. You think that people who work in the business of being filmed would be more careful of what they say when there is a possibility of being recorded. Basically if you're going to make racist comments to your girlfriend, be sure to say it to her face. Unless she's wired, then you're just screwed.

I swear this guy lived in Austin because I saw him at the grocery store when I lived there. Unless there are multiple guys who have had horns implanted in their heads. [pause to google] Okay apparently there are and it was actually a guy called The Enigma that I saw. He must have been in town for the circus. That's not a joke, he really is part of a circus.

I can't decide what I want for lunch.

R.

Just Sayin'

Jeremy London says his acting saved skills saved him from his kidnappers. Really? Were you playing the role of fatter Jason London? Because I would believe that.

Speaking of fat actors, I have coined a term I like to call “fame bloat” and it happens when an actor becomes famous and starts partying too much and suddenly becomes a fatter version of his once slender self. The genius of it is that they are famous and therefore unaffected by the effects of weight gain, meaning they can still get roles and get laid. Current victim: Jason Segal. Remember when he looked like this? It happened to Matthew Perry in the 90’s, if you recall his fluctuating weight season to season. It’s a sad, sad thing but what’s even sadder is that actresses can’t get fame bloat. Yes, technically they can, but not if they want to keep working. In fact, they actually go the opposite direction. The more famous they become, the thinner they get. I hate to mention her name but let me please let me direct your attention to exhibit a: Lindsay Lohan. Bitch got skinny as shit post Mean Girls. I know, this isn’t breaking news, but I was talking about it recently and that led to writing about it.

I just learned how to post a photo. Meaning a photo that is not on the internet. And by learned, I mean I realized there was a button at the top you click to post a photo. Pretty simple. (fyi this is a pic from pride weekend...I'm kind of mesmorized by the Xtina)

R.

Surf dudes with attitudes (kinda groovy)

On my way to work this morning I noticed that Shakey’s Pizza had wished a happy birthday to Victor Hugo (the link is obviously an example to the sign they post the happy birthdays on, not the actual one I saw). Who knew the employees were such fans of Les Mis or The Hunchback of Notre Dame? I think if he were alive, it’s very doubtful Mr. Hugo would celebrate his birthday at Shakey’s.

TJ texted me this morning to let me know he was watching Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Immediately the theme song popped into my head, at first bit by bit then in full force.

I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow
And it’s all up to me how far I go
I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow

I've never seen such a view before
A new world before my eyes
So much for me to explore
It's where my future lies

Today I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow
From here the future looks bright for me
And it's all up to me how far I go
It's my time to break away
I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow
Today

Then it made me think of other theme songs, namely California Dreams, which for some reason I have always remembered in its entirety even if the only person I remember from the show is that guy who I want to say his nickname was “Weasel” but I’m pretty sure it’s something else.

Surf dudes with attitudes
(Kinda groovy)
Laid back moods
Sky above, sand below
(Good vibrations)
Feelin' mellow

(Don't wake me up)
Don't wake me up if I'm dreaming
(California dreams)
Just let me lay here in the sun
Until my dream is done

So it wasn’t “Weasel” it was “Sly” (yes, I looked it up) but the best part is apparently there was a California Dreams reunion on Jimmy Fallon! (There are actually 2 parts if you want to hear what the entire cast is up to now then click here to find out. Though I can tell you, it’s not much. Basically babies and failed acting dreams.) I knew there was a reason I should be watching late night talk shows. This apparently occurred after Jimmy could only get 5 of the 7 cast members together for his Saved by the Bell reunion. It goes to show you how little people care about California Dreams as its availability on youtube is inversely proportionate to its popularity. Thus the actual Saved by the Bell reunion was nowhere to be found.

I should stop before I start looking up the cast of Hang Time to see where they are now. (Doesn’t mean I won’t do it, but I just won’t blog about it.)

R.

Ohhh sassysnatch, preach it!

So the emmy nominations were announced this morning and I have to say, I am counting it as a personal victory that both Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton were nominated for their respective roles of Eric and Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights. My favorite category of nominations is definitely best supporting actor in a comedy series because besides Jon Cryer (who I have nothing against but I don't watch Two and a Half Men so in this case I have nothing for him either) I love every single nominee. Of course it is half gay, so it's not a surprise that I would love it. My friend posted an article about how gay best friends are this seasons hottest accessory. The idea is funny, but the article is pretty annoying, with the author saying things such as "Honey girl fabuloso pet, there is no reason to become a fag hag" and "Ohhh sugar snaps!" and even "Ohhh sassysnatch, preach it!" (that last one, I actually like. might be a new catchphrase).

So I saw the movie Cyrus with Ali on Sunday. First time I had been to the movies in a while and I'm sad to report I f*cking hated that movie. It was so unfunny and uncomfortable and slow and it just made me angry. I thought I would like it since I loved the Duplass brother's other films The Puffy Chair and Humpday (even though they didn't direct it, I give them credit for it just for being involved). There is a term "mumblecore" which is used to describe their genre of movies, which I basically take to mean a lot of talking. Or to be exact, per Wikipedia "it is primarily characterized by ultra-low budget production (often employing digital video cameras), focus on personal relationships between twenty-somethings, improvised scripts, and non-professional actors." That sounds about right. Cyrus basically sucked not because of any genre definition, but because I hated Jonah Hill's character (and his fat face...it was a bit mesmorizing...makes him look anorexic in Superbad). And I've never been a fan of blackmail in movies, it's right up there with when someone has an easy explanation for something but the other character says something along the lines of "don't...just don't" and instead of the one character explaining and clearing everything up, they just stand there silently while the other character walks away. If it were me, I would grab the other person and shake them until they listened to me. Reasonable explanations for things should always be stated even if the other person tries to walk away. (This all makes sense in my head but might come out a little confusing on paper)

I think I had a point...oh, it was to say that we were so disappointed afterwards we felt like we needed to immediately see another movie to cleanse ourselves. We didn't, but we did think back to the previews before the movie and how we wished we had seen one of those movies. One that I actually remember was Nowhere Boy, starring Aaron Johnson from Kick Ass as a young John Lennon. I do not see a resemblance which irks me a little but I do like that kid as well as this other kid in the movie, the little adorable one from Love Actually. I'm rambling. See the preview below and decide for yourself.

If I would ever pass you along in life and you are laying there dying of thirst, I would not give you a drink of water

So I went to this great restaurant last night called Ogamdo Cafe in mid-Wilshire and I just wanted to share my experience. The decor is great, outside there is a buoy on the patio (I was going to say a big red thing you can sit inside but apparently it's called a buoy, per the caption on the picture) but we were forced to sit inside due to some big party taking over the entire patio. I arrived before my guest and after looking for him outside (no, he was not mixed in with the party, I checked) I returned to the hostess and said "he's not here yet" to which she replied with a look of such pity as if I was being stood up. I guess I just have that kind of face, the face that looks like it would get stood up. In fact he showed up not a minute later (take that hostess!) and we were escorted to our booth. We ended up being seated next to a 1 year olds birthday party which actually ended up not being annoying at all but really freaking adorable, especially when they sang happy birthday in what I'm going to say was chinese then followed it up with another rendition in english. The 1 year old seemed a little clueless but her slightly older friend next to her was having a blast. She had no rhythm, was way off on clapping to the beat of the song, but I'll be damned if she didn't have spirit! Anyway, the night was off to a rough start for me, drink wise, as my first request for a glass of water was denied. I think it definitely had something to do with the language barrier, but when I asked for just regular water I was told they had none. When I looked at the menu and saw that evian was $7 and sodas were $1.75, I then immediately asked for a coke. The waitress returned to tell me there were no cokes because the party outside had drank every coke in the restuarant. Those are my words, not hers, but I was denied a regular coke (I only drink diet if it is the only thing available to mix with alcohol, aka dire circumstances). Finally I find what I really had wanted in the first place but had not yet noticed on the menu- the wine. So I ordered a glass of reisling thinking that my thirst would finally be quenched...only to have her return to tell me they were out of reisling. I could not catch a break. At that point the ice that was in the glass she had brought me for my non-existent coke had begun to melt, forming what many know as "water" so that seemed like the best option for me. I couldn't ask for another beverage as I didn't want to face being rejected again. Finally she brings me a glass of...wait for it, wait for it...water. Yes, they did have water. Imagine that. After the chaos that was the beverage situation (mind you my dining partner ordered a diet coke and his request was granted right away...I think it's because he's on a popular tv show and therefore better than me and can get whatever he wants when he wants it) they served us our food and it...was...delicious. There was also way too much. Egg drop soup, followed by pad thai, then orange chicken, then fried rice. We ate what we could before sending him home with the rest to pass along to his visiting family. On our way out what should we see but an entire refridgerator, in plain sight mind you, stacked with regular cokes. But to sum things up, as a girl who likes a bargain, I realize I could go back there and share one serving with anywhere from 2-4 people easily, all for under $20. As long as I'm not wanting water, a coke, or reisling, it should turn out to be a lovely evening.

So here is a picture of the buoy:


And here is a picture of something else at the restuarant:


R.

Just a quickie...

It's the end of the day, 45 minutes to go, and nothing to do. But there probably will be as soon as I start writing this. (guess what...there was but I just kept going!)

So apparently The Last Avatar, err, Airbender sucks. So says my roommate (or to quote "I wish M. Night Shymylan would airbend me my money back") and as I can tell, many other people. It has a 8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. If you're not familiar with their system, they do go up to 100%. And the worst part is I don't think this one will spawn a skit along the lines of Mark Wahlberg talks to animals. It wasn't funny when I saw it the first time, but then I saw The Happening, and I suddenly got the joke.

I forgot Principal Rooney is a pedophile. I guess he did too, which would explain why he didn't register as a sex offender. If you look at his face, I feel like people should have known all along. But maybe it's just that creepy look and the fact that he's holding candy.

Every so often when I go try to go to facebook it sends me to myspace. It's very weird.

R.