Videos

Paul Rudd was My Bat Mitzvah DJ

Eva Mendes Sex Tape

What I'm Watching

Literally as I type this I'm watching Ladies and Gentleman, The Fabulous Stains. I kind of like it, even though I've only been half paying attention. All I know is I sort of have a lez crush on young Diane Lane. She's insanely pretty. Laura Dern's in it too, she's pretty cool, but not enough to turn me gay. Sorry Laura.
If you don't know what I'm talking about but would like to, you can check out a the preview.

R.

Post No Bills

Living in LA I see a lot of movie posters everywhere I go. Sometimes they just post 10 in a row...of the same poster. In case you missed the first 5, you still have 5 more after that. I think you know what I'm talking about but usually on a wall like this (which either allows bills to be posted or maybe the spray painted warning is just ignored). It wasn't so much like this in Texas to the point that my friend's mom actually thought Daddy Day Care was a real place when she kept seeing it on the sides of busses. Anyway, my point is I see a lot of posters and the ones that really catch my eye are the shitty ones. Here are a few that I'm currently hating.




The Switch. Originally called The Baster. As in Turkey Baster if you didn't get that. I think that's a much better title. But this poster is just idiotic. If I had wanted to see the movie before, this would make me not want to see it. I love Jason Bateman, but poor thing got dragged into a Jennifer Aniston movie. Which means it's going to be like every other movie she does- bad. I honestly just don't even know what's going on in this picture. So I looked up the premise on imdb to see if it could help me figure it out:
An unmarried 40-year-old woman turns to a turkey baster in order to become pregnant. Seven years later, she reunites with her best friend, who has been living with a secret: he replaced her preferred sperm sample with his own.
Why is he looking at the cup like that? It's like he's disgusted even though he's going to voluntarily put his sperm in it without even being asked. And I can't even make out the expression on her face. I would say surprise maybe, but there is something off about it. Either way, this poster sucks.

I couldn't find one for Charlie St. Cloud that I could post as a picture so you will just have to go to the previous link to look at it. The tag line- Life is for living- is really fucking gay. And I don't mean in the homosexual sense, I mean in the lame sense. I'm not even going to post the plot because it doesn't even matter. No one cares.

That's all I have for now but fear not, I'm sure I'll be back with other posters I hate. These are just the ones I saw on my way to work today.

R.

The News Raider of England

Dlisted coined the fat guy in the video The News Raider of England (hence my title). You can find more of his background appearances here (if you are inclined to entertain yourself as I just did). I remember when Matthew McConaughey came to Longview for a premiere of A Time to Kill and Extra was there and I tried to pull the same maneuver, aka popping up ever so casually behind Jan Carl. Of course I was 16 and just ended up giggling a lot, didn't play it near as non-chalantly as this dude. He may be fat and unattractive, but that doesn't mean he's not awesome. He may be my new hero.

It's exactly like the Corleone Family, except there's no morality and everyone is Fredo

I have to thank Rosemery for sending this to me. If you're thinking to yourself, sure it looks funny, but why do I care? It's because the guy in the middle is actually a cast member from Jersey Shore who calls himself "The Situation" but his real name is Mike. This nickname can be used in many contexts, often to refer to his abs, sometimes to actually refer to a situation. If you don't know the show, this article about how Jersey Shore is the worst thing to happen to the East Coast since 9/11 is the best way to quickly familiarize yourself. It's also hilarious.

And if you're wondering why the photo of what looks like an acapella group, it's actually from a site featuring a series of awkward family photos. I love it so much I actually had one printed (see below) and put it on my fridge. It really throws people off when they see it because they can't help but wonder how I know these people but I must since I have a picture of them actually printed on photo paper.

I was bored and made myself into a cartoon. I look much cooler animated. I think it's the way animated me is standing. I just look like I don't give a shit. And surprisingly it didn't turn out like this.

The Viral Edition

I was bored the other night and just started going back to look at old videos that had once made me laugh. And guess what- they still do. Enjoy.

This is one of the first videos I remember getting via email and actually sending to other people as well as watching repeatedly. It's a video of a bell ringer at a college football game but it's so much more than just that. I think the body of the email leading up to it really built up the suspense, making it all the more hilarious when you actually saw it. It's too bad I can't remember what the email said.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifinakis. All of these are funny but it's the Natalie Portman "V for Vagina" part that gets me every time. I'm very mature.

My "Not Gay" Commercial from Fred Simmons. If you haven't seen The Foot Fist Way, see it immediately. There are several parody commercials on funny or die including his "Don't Get Raped" Commercial. Solid advice Fred, solid advice.

I have never forgotten the SNL commercial for Homocil. To this day you can still here me spouting off the occasional "who wants creme brule?" or "look what I made, isn't it fabulous?" Never gets old.

And another SNL parody, The Fast and the Bi-Curious. "Why am I shaking?" 'Nuff said.

I really wanted to find this other SNL commercial for Philadelphia Action Figures, as in based on the Tom Hanks AIDS movie, mainly just to hear one kid say with his little action figure "You have AIDS, you're fired!" while the other responds with "No, you're fired" then propels a net onto the other action figure. It was pretty good.

Oh, and did you hear Lindsay Lohan went to jail today. I didn't know although that would have helped explain the sounds of helicopters disturbing my slumber this morning. I thought I had been magically transplanted into the middle east. Can't we just let work towards her stint on Celebrity Rehab in peace?

Randomness.

Even though I do love him, Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk would be some seriously bad casting. I just don't see him as any kind of superhero. And that is a terrible picture of him next to the article (and posted above)- he looks old and confused.

My coworker just showed me this Christian Bale/Mel Gibson mash up. I think it would be even better if you added in a little Alec Baldwin rant to mix things up. You think that people who work in the business of being filmed would be more careful of what they say when there is a possibility of being recorded. Basically if you're going to make racist comments to your girlfriend, be sure to say it to her face. Unless she's wired, then you're just screwed.

I swear this guy lived in Austin because I saw him at the grocery store when I lived there. Unless there are multiple guys who have had horns implanted in their heads. [pause to google] Okay apparently there are and it was actually a guy called The Enigma that I saw. He must have been in town for the circus. That's not a joke, he really is part of a circus.

I can't decide what I want for lunch.

R.

Just Sayin'

Jeremy London says his acting saved skills saved him from his kidnappers. Really? Were you playing the role of fatter Jason London? Because I would believe that.

Speaking of fat actors, I have coined a term I like to call “fame bloat” and it happens when an actor becomes famous and starts partying too much and suddenly becomes a fatter version of his once slender self. The genius of it is that they are famous and therefore unaffected by the effects of weight gain, meaning they can still get roles and get laid. Current victim: Jason Segal. Remember when he looked like this? It happened to Matthew Perry in the 90’s, if you recall his fluctuating weight season to season. It’s a sad, sad thing but what’s even sadder is that actresses can’t get fame bloat. Yes, technically they can, but not if they want to keep working. In fact, they actually go the opposite direction. The more famous they become, the thinner they get. I hate to mention her name but let me please let me direct your attention to exhibit a: Lindsay Lohan. Bitch got skinny as shit post Mean Girls. I know, this isn’t breaking news, but I was talking about it recently and that led to writing about it.

I just learned how to post a photo. Meaning a photo that is not on the internet. And by learned, I mean I realized there was a button at the top you click to post a photo. Pretty simple. (fyi this is a pic from pride weekend...I'm kind of mesmorized by the Xtina)

R.

Surf dudes with attitudes (kinda groovy)

On my way to work this morning I noticed that Shakey’s Pizza had wished a happy birthday to Victor Hugo (the link is obviously an example to the sign they post the happy birthdays on, not the actual one I saw). Who knew the employees were such fans of Les Mis or The Hunchback of Notre Dame? I think if he were alive, it’s very doubtful Mr. Hugo would celebrate his birthday at Shakey’s.

TJ texted me this morning to let me know he was watching Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Immediately the theme song popped into my head, at first bit by bit then in full force.

I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow
And it’s all up to me how far I go
I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow

I've never seen such a view before
A new world before my eyes
So much for me to explore
It's where my future lies

Today I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow
From here the future looks bright for me
And it's all up to me how far I go
It's my time to break away
I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow
Today

Then it made me think of other theme songs, namely California Dreams, which for some reason I have always remembered in its entirety even if the only person I remember from the show is that guy who I want to say his nickname was “Weasel” but I’m pretty sure it’s something else.

Surf dudes with attitudes
(Kinda groovy)
Laid back moods
Sky above, sand below
(Good vibrations)
Feelin' mellow

(Don't wake me up)
Don't wake me up if I'm dreaming
(California dreams)
Just let me lay here in the sun
Until my dream is done

So it wasn’t “Weasel” it was “Sly” (yes, I looked it up) but the best part is apparently there was a California Dreams reunion on Jimmy Fallon! (There are actually 2 parts if you want to hear what the entire cast is up to now then click here to find out. Though I can tell you, it’s not much. Basically babies and failed acting dreams.) I knew there was a reason I should be watching late night talk shows. This apparently occurred after Jimmy could only get 5 of the 7 cast members together for his Saved by the Bell reunion. It goes to show you how little people care about California Dreams as its availability on youtube is inversely proportionate to its popularity. Thus the actual Saved by the Bell reunion was nowhere to be found.

I should stop before I start looking up the cast of Hang Time to see where they are now. (Doesn’t mean I won’t do it, but I just won’t blog about it.)

R.

Ohhh sassysnatch, preach it!

So the emmy nominations were announced this morning and I have to say, I am counting it as a personal victory that both Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton were nominated for their respective roles of Eric and Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights. My favorite category of nominations is definitely best supporting actor in a comedy series because besides Jon Cryer (who I have nothing against but I don't watch Two and a Half Men so in this case I have nothing for him either) I love every single nominee. Of course it is half gay, so it's not a surprise that I would love it. My friend posted an article about how gay best friends are this seasons hottest accessory. The idea is funny, but the article is pretty annoying, with the author saying things such as "Honey girl fabuloso pet, there is no reason to become a fag hag" and "Ohhh sugar snaps!" and even "Ohhh sassysnatch, preach it!" (that last one, I actually like. might be a new catchphrase).

So I saw the movie Cyrus with Ali on Sunday. First time I had been to the movies in a while and I'm sad to report I f*cking hated that movie. It was so unfunny and uncomfortable and slow and it just made me angry. I thought I would like it since I loved the Duplass brother's other films The Puffy Chair and Humpday (even though they didn't direct it, I give them credit for it just for being involved). There is a term "mumblecore" which is used to describe their genre of movies, which I basically take to mean a lot of talking. Or to be exact, per Wikipedia "it is primarily characterized by ultra-low budget production (often employing digital video cameras), focus on personal relationships between twenty-somethings, improvised scripts, and non-professional actors." That sounds about right. Cyrus basically sucked not because of any genre definition, but because I hated Jonah Hill's character (and his fat face...it was a bit mesmorizing...makes him look anorexic in Superbad). And I've never been a fan of blackmail in movies, it's right up there with when someone has an easy explanation for something but the other character says something along the lines of "don't...just don't" and instead of the one character explaining and clearing everything up, they just stand there silently while the other character walks away. If it were me, I would grab the other person and shake them until they listened to me. Reasonable explanations for things should always be stated even if the other person tries to walk away. (This all makes sense in my head but might come out a little confusing on paper)

I think I had a point...oh, it was to say that we were so disappointed afterwards we felt like we needed to immediately see another movie to cleanse ourselves. We didn't, but we did think back to the previews before the movie and how we wished we had seen one of those movies. One that I actually remember was Nowhere Boy, starring Aaron Johnson from Kick Ass as a young John Lennon. I do not see a resemblance which irks me a little but I do like that kid as well as this other kid in the movie, the little adorable one from Love Actually. I'm rambling. See the preview below and decide for yourself.

If I would ever pass you along in life and you are laying there dying of thirst, I would not give you a drink of water

So I went to this great restaurant last night called Ogamdo Cafe in mid-Wilshire and I just wanted to share my experience. The decor is great, outside there is a buoy on the patio (I was going to say a big red thing you can sit inside but apparently it's called a buoy, per the caption on the picture) but we were forced to sit inside due to some big party taking over the entire patio. I arrived before my guest and after looking for him outside (no, he was not mixed in with the party, I checked) I returned to the hostess and said "he's not here yet" to which she replied with a look of such pity as if I was being stood up. I guess I just have that kind of face, the face that looks like it would get stood up. In fact he showed up not a minute later (take that hostess!) and we were escorted to our booth. We ended up being seated next to a 1 year olds birthday party which actually ended up not being annoying at all but really freaking adorable, especially when they sang happy birthday in what I'm going to say was chinese then followed it up with another rendition in english. The 1 year old seemed a little clueless but her slightly older friend next to her was having a blast. She had no rhythm, was way off on clapping to the beat of the song, but I'll be damned if she didn't have spirit! Anyway, the night was off to a rough start for me, drink wise, as my first request for a glass of water was denied. I think it definitely had something to do with the language barrier, but when I asked for just regular water I was told they had none. When I looked at the menu and saw that evian was $7 and sodas were $1.75, I then immediately asked for a coke. The waitress returned to tell me there were no cokes because the party outside had drank every coke in the restuarant. Those are my words, not hers, but I was denied a regular coke (I only drink diet if it is the only thing available to mix with alcohol, aka dire circumstances). Finally I find what I really had wanted in the first place but had not yet noticed on the menu- the wine. So I ordered a glass of reisling thinking that my thirst would finally be quenched...only to have her return to tell me they were out of reisling. I could not catch a break. At that point the ice that was in the glass she had brought me for my non-existent coke had begun to melt, forming what many know as "water" so that seemed like the best option for me. I couldn't ask for another beverage as I didn't want to face being rejected again. Finally she brings me a glass of...wait for it, wait for it...water. Yes, they did have water. Imagine that. After the chaos that was the beverage situation (mind you my dining partner ordered a diet coke and his request was granted right away...I think it's because he's on a popular tv show and therefore better than me and can get whatever he wants when he wants it) they served us our food and it...was...delicious. There was also way too much. Egg drop soup, followed by pad thai, then orange chicken, then fried rice. We ate what we could before sending him home with the rest to pass along to his visiting family. On our way out what should we see but an entire refridgerator, in plain sight mind you, stacked with regular cokes. But to sum things up, as a girl who likes a bargain, I realize I could go back there and share one serving with anywhere from 2-4 people easily, all for under $20. As long as I'm not wanting water, a coke, or reisling, it should turn out to be a lovely evening.

So here is a picture of the buoy:


And here is a picture of something else at the restuarant:


R.

Just a quickie...

It's the end of the day, 45 minutes to go, and nothing to do. But there probably will be as soon as I start writing this. (guess what...there was but I just kept going!)

So apparently The Last Avatar, err, Airbender sucks. So says my roommate (or to quote "I wish M. Night Shymylan would airbend me my money back") and as I can tell, many other people. It has a 8% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. If you're not familiar with their system, they do go up to 100%. And the worst part is I don't think this one will spawn a skit along the lines of Mark Wahlberg talks to animals. It wasn't funny when I saw it the first time, but then I saw The Happening, and I suddenly got the joke.

I forgot Principal Rooney is a pedophile. I guess he did too, which would explain why he didn't register as a sex offender. If you look at his face, I feel like people should have known all along. But maybe it's just that creepy look and the fact that he's holding candy.

Every so often when I go try to go to facebook it sends me to myspace. It's very weird.

R.

Kyle, I wish you the best

This just in...Party Down is over. For good. I honestly feel like crying, but that might be a little bit of the hangover too. In honor of the show, I will now list a few of my favorite quotes. Well, my favorites that I can either remember and/or find on the internet. Sadly there aren't that many and I have a bad memory.

Lydia: Have you seen Three Men and a Little Lady? That's Ted Danson.
Casey: No, that's Steve Guttenberg.
Lydia: Jewishy much? No wonder he changed his name to Danson.

Roman: I thought they were cool with sex, but they're fuckin' stuck-up bitches.
Kyle: No, they're cool with sex. Why do you think they got into porn?
Roman: I don't know, because their uncles raped them?

Kyle: You know, acting is like crime. But instead of using guns or clubs, I assault you with emotions.

And that's it, that's all I've got. Now enjoy this video.



RIP Party Down.

R.

Ooohh baby baby it's a wild world

The subject has nothing to do with what I'm about to write, I just had Cat Stevens in my head. I wouldn't want anyone to assume what follows is my idea of a "wild world."

But first, this picture makes me laugh.



Oh dear, I feel like shit today. Yesterday I updated my facebook status (nerd alert) to say "Tuesday is the new Friday" then proceeded to treat it as such. Today, I pay the price. The funny thing is I was about to type that I can't handle it like I could when I was younger but I think I've actually gotten better over the years. I'm improving with age, like a fine wine. Not that I would know anything about that, I buy what's cheap and/or on sale. Barefoot wine 2 for $10 at CVS. Just sayin'.

I really want to go see Chips the Musical at the Falcon Theatre. I have a feeling I will never actually go, but talking about it makes me feel like there could be a slight possibility. But in my life, it's the thought that counts. Actually following through is just a bonus. Like the time I wanted to go to a hootenanny. I just wanted to go so I can say I went, because I don't actually know what a hootenanny involves, but I'm picturing people playing music out of jugs and some good ol' fashioned knee slapping. I actually just googled the words "hootenanny los angeles" and apparently there are many types, including but not limited to, a tomato hootenanny, a pancake hootenanny, and even a facebook page called LA Hootenanny. I think I might have to thumbs up that page.

R.

The Life & Style Edition

So basically I used to love buying trashy magazines like Us Weekly or In Touch. It was easy reading, perfect for a day at the beach or a plane ride. But for the past few years I haven't been able to bring myself to buy one because of the cover stories. Sure, there would still be some entertaining crap inside as there has always been, but basically reality stars have taken over the magazines and I can't condone that. If Kate Gosselin is on the cover, I will not buy it. Period. But even on the inside it's just more stories of other reality stars. The reason I'm saying any of this is that while flying to Dallas this weekend I caved and bought Life & Style. On the cover: Kristen Cavalari (sp? don't care) and Beyonce (not sure how to do the accent over the e but I think you know who I'm talking about) and the headline "last-minute bikini body." Was I really going to read this for weight loss tips? No, because I don't have money for a personal trainer so it's all moot. But it was the only one that didn't have Jake and Vienna on the cover. I shudder to think that I know their names.

I will now share with you some of the highlights from the magazine. Hopefully I can include photos if google search is kind to me.

1. A picture of Jennifer Garner and what they say is her 4 yr old Violet feeding a horse. She is obviously not holding a 4 year old, it's the other one, whatever her name is. Way to fuck up right off the bat, L & S.

2. Is it just me or does Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy look like Patrick Bateman? That's not a compliment, I'm not saying he looks like Christian Bale. I'm saying he looks like he would kill a bitch.

3. There is a series of photos of soccer stars showing off their abs. Maybe I should be paying attention to the world cup, this looks like it happens a lot. (this is the one thing the magazine does right)

4. Jake and Vienna SPLIT! I fucking read the whole article. I feel so dirty.

5. Jeremy London got fat, but I think that's what happens to drug addicts. Although I think meth makes you skinny, so he should maybe switch to that now.

6. Oh yes, my favorite part. "Britney Ruins her Boyfriend." On the left a picture of a clean cut boyfriend with the caption "Then- August 2005 Squeky-Clean"...and on the right a picture of him looking like a disheveled Wayne Coyne after he "kidnapped" Jeremy London and forced him to do crack with him with the caption "Now- June 2010 Full-On Hobo." (I wish I could find the actual picture because it is so much better) I've decided Full-On Hobo is officially the name of my non-existent band.

I'm sure I could go on, but I don't want to.

R.

Are we having fun yet?

Here are a couple things I'm liking today. (with highlights quoted directly from the articles/videos themselves because I'm not clever enough to come up with my own.)

Wax On, F*ck Off.
"I am so bummed :("

Bristol Palin, Actress?
"Even the wooden door behind Bristol is exuding more raw and natural human emotion than her."

Jeremy London's Alleged Kidnapper: We Partied Our Asses Off
"Wait. I thought black people weren’t allowed to talk to the police. You lied to me, The Wire!"

Don't Tread on Me
"straight outta East Texas"
I actually just like this because of the East Texas reference (aka where yours truly originated) and because of the FNL shout out ("This aint Friday Night Lights/but i got the infrared.”) I had to google this Clint Dempsey to even realize he is a soccer player. Obviously I'm not following this whole World Cup hullabaloo that has people waking up at the ass crack of dawn. Yes, I just said hullabaloo.


And here is something I am not liking.

Adam Scott leaving Party Down
Why God Why???? The season finale airs tomorrow (meaning I will be watching on Netflix) and I am now both excited and saddened at the same time. I don't want to imagine a Party Down without Henry. Sure I'll still watch, but it just won't be the same.

R.

Randomness

Fucking. Stupid.

So this is some hard core peer pressure. Jason was always my favorite London anyway, mainly because of Dazed and Confused. I also met him when I was a freshman in college during SXSW...he was there promoting some shitty movie called $pent. I remember it was about a guy with a gambling problem and that's about it. I was with some forgotten friend at the Dog and Duck Pub (we were under 21 and couldn't drink so we just hung around awkwardly) and I think we said something to him like "the movie was really good" or "you were really good in the movie." Whatever was said, it was something along the lines of a lie.

Why would anyone ever eat this unless they were purposely aiming for obesity? I don't even think at my drunkest moment I would eat this, and I've eaten some pretty bad shit when I've been drunk. Seriously, 97 grams of fat. That is in-fucking-sane.

I used to read gossip websites and magazines all the time and I just don't care for it anymore. So I'm always behind on my celebrity updates. But I guess I don't really care about anyone in particular right now. Except for Adam Scott. He's kind of who I'm into right now. Well of people I watch on tv/netflix. I don't know why I even started this paragraph, I really had no point.

R.

Stephen Dorff is filled with rage

I agree with Rosemery, I too am one excited lady.



This looks like it could be Stephen's best work since the role of "Boyfriend" in Britney Spears video for My Prerogative. You kind of need to click on this for the title to make any sense.

R.

I get this feeling that time's just holding me down

Sometimes I like headlines more than I like actually reading the articles. Maybe that's why National Enquirer and The Sun always used to get me when I was a kid as soon as I approached that check out line. But when I read Jerry Seinfeld Calls Lady Gaga a Jerk I didn't need to read on before chuckling to myself. For some reason I pictured Sam Weir ala Freaks and Geeks saying this to any one of the many people who bullied him on the show and that my friends made it all the more amusing. Jerry Seinfeld as Sam Weir versus Lady Gaga as Kim Kelly. The exact quote was "This woman is a jerk. I hate her" but I personally like the idea that he said "you're a jerk" to her face. Also speaking of Gaga, this quote from Rolling Stone has been floating around many a facebook status today: "When I wake up in the morning, I feel just like any other insecure 24-year-old girl. Then I say, 'Bitch, you're Lady GaGa, you get up and walk the walk today." I don't know if I have the attitude or wardrobe to pull off this mantra, but doesn't mean I might not give it a try. Does it matter that I'm 30?

They are remaking Footloose and finally cast their Ren, some dude named Kenny Wormold. Right off the bat- I don't like his last name. I'm repeating it in my head and I just don't like the sound of it. It's definitely no Bacon. Speaking of, here is a little Yacht Rock featuring the aforementioned in the story of how Kenny Loggins wrote the "Footloose" theme song.



I think I already mentioned this yesterday but I have a comedy show tonight and since I've been too lazy to prepare anything, I just printed out my set (written today) and taped it to a series of notecards. Which makes me look like a dork but I can't help that I'm organized and like to type things. But now I don't even have the energy to look at it and thus become vaguely familiar. Sure it's my own words and thoughts, but still, going in front of a crowd of up to 20 people (!) can be nerve racking and make me lose my train of thought. Thus the note cards. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to do it high school presentation style, minus the access to the overhead projector which means no graphs or pie charts for me. Hopefully it will go as I'm picturing it in my mind (aka borderline awesome to fully awesome) and my humorous delivery will compensate for the lack of preparedness. Hopefully.

R.

I miss the weekend

This is how I feel every Monday. The idea of starting another week is just depressing to me. It's not that I dislike my job, I just dislike responsibility. I'm in a phase where I can't sit still. Going home to "relax" after work doesn't appeal to me. But it's what I've gotta do, especially when I'm borderline broke and desperately in need of clean towels and underwear.

I'm coming up with all these plans in my head and I hope they will actually happen. For example, I really want to go to Solvang for the weekend and ride bikes from winery to winery. I've heard you can do that. It's not really drunk driving if you're on a bike, right? But maybe I should purchase a helmet. I'm also hoping it works out that I can help throw my friend Sydney a bachelorette party which will take place in West Hollywood on a tbd Friday or Saturday evening. And I want to go camping again. Among other things.

I rode the train from LA to Irvine this weekend and it reminded me of Amsterdam, aka the first place I ever took a train. And it really really made me want to be back there. The experience was different this time as I did not have an awkward encounter with a dutch train attendant because I used the bathroom while the train was stopped, which apparently is a major faux pas. "No sprecken ze deutsch" is what I should have said but I decided to go with "I'm American." That explains any act of idiocy I discovered.
I'm at the end of my day and was tired of staring at the clock waiting for my freedom, so that is really the point of this post. To keep my eyes off the clock.
RW

The name's Johnny Utah!

My favorite news headline of the morning: Wild Crowd Gets Drake and Hanson Concert Canceled. It is just me or is that the weirdest pairing for a concert ever? Seems like they would have totally different audiences. In fact, I'm imagining what actually happened involved some West Side Story like scenario between the two converging sets of fans.

This morning I drove past the theatre where Point Break Live takes place and decided that I must go again. For one reason, it's awesome. But for another, when they had people from the audience audition to play Keanu, it was all dudes. Not one girl. I want to be that girl. If I hadn't been there for my friends birthday I would have gone for it, but I didn't want to steal his thunder.

This also reminded me of this great video mash up of Reno 911! and Human Giant re-enacting a scene from Point Break. It's pretty awesome. I will post it for you since I now know how to do that. Look at me, showing off.



That's all for now.
R.

What a fun, sexy time for you

I just learned how to post videos to my blog! (see previous blog) And all it took was me googling "how do I post a video to my blog."
My coworkers daughter is graduating today...from the 8th grade. I don’t understand the idea of graduating from the 8th grade. We never made a big deal of it when I was growing up. You just finished the 8th grade and went on to the 9th without any fanfair. Same with kindergarten. I technically never graduated kindergarten because no one threw a ceremony for me. No little cap and gown, although that does sound adorable.
I'm not sure how I feel about the new Arcade fire songs Ready To Start and We Used To Wait. But that's usually what happens when I love a bands previous albums so much, I just don't ever think anything will top it. This was my thought process when Jon Stewart took over The Daily Show from Craig Kilborn. I loved CK even if my opinion has changed (new opinion- he seems like a dick). But eventually I warmed up to Jon and it left me thinking "Craig who?" Actually it didn't because I still remember who he is, but you get what I mean.
R.

To quote fake Kevin Costner "you guys are fucked"

In my past experience of spilling coffee or other liquids, paper towels really do work best. But there is something that tells me this isn't really about coffee.

I brought all the boys to the yard

I just read on IMDB that they are remaking Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead. W...t....f? Is nothing sacred? This is the movie that made me want to one day dress up like an adult and enter the workforce, all thanks to Christina Applegate's wardrobe. Sadly I only did one of those things (types the girl with unwashed hair and flip flops). And did you know the cute kid who played Zach "Cynthia, you're my moon goddess" Crandell died of a drug overdose in 2000? I found this out when I decided to do my own version of "Where are they now?" on IMDB when I was bored and found a surprising number of people I liked as a child were now dead (girl from Savannah Smiles, Mr. Belvedere, some other person I can't remember).
Rosemery just sent me a picture of Kelis at gay pride. I'm sad I missed it. As Jake says (quoting texts from last night) "my milkshake brings 80-90% of boys to the yard." I have to agree with TJ...those are pretty good odds. I only know one other song of hers, I'm Bossy, but it's pretty awesome too.
I think my favorite part of the day had to be when we were at The Abbey and it started raining confetti. I feel like a little kid just thinking about it, b/c I'm pretty sure I said something along the lines of "ooohhhh" or "wow!" and I really meant it.
It's kind of sad that I drank so many r & c's this weekend that when I just took a sip of my coke I thought it tasted funny. Because it was sans alcohol.
I'm really tired and pretty sure rather uninteresting today so I am just going to stop writing. 4 1/2 more hours until I'm back in my bed. I can't wait.
R.

I was unconscious, it was a dream

My friend Lisa submitted an application to live in these lofts in Marina Del Rey. My response: If you get that apartment, I will totally go lez for you. It reminded me of when I was in the 6th grade and we moved into a house with a pool and my parents told me to beware of people who would only want to be my friend because I had a pool. (That didn't happen, everyone had a pool, so it wasn't a strong selling point for fake friendship). Well that same sage advice would apply to Lisa in this situation. Needless to say I bet a lot of rich people live there and I don't mix well with people with money. It's like my East Texas upbringing goes into overdrive and they immediately know I'm not one of them. But that's fine, I don't need money to be happy, not as long as I have friends that have money who are going to live in awesome lofts and will let me visit.
On another note, did you know that taco bell is now selling margaritas? Well, it's actually margarita flavored drinks without the alcohol. I do not see the point in this at all. It's like when people drink non-alcoholic beer, I just don't understand drinking that swill if not to at least get a buzz? Maybe it's like an alcoholics equivalent of methadone to help wean them off the real stuff. But probably not.
Speaking of Ween (see how I did that), I remember in college going to dinner with Emily and her friend and suddenly bursting out with these lyrics to a Ween song: "There's many colors in the homo rainbow, don't be afraid to let your colors shine, shine, shine." To which Emily said afterwards "how many times to I have to tell you [insert name here] is gay?" I don't think he was offended persay, but possibly confused as I'm pretty sure he was not familiar with the song. And that is what happened.
R.

It'd be awesome if you could be my friend

It started with Lisa sending me a link to what was a picture of sad Keanu Reeves surrounded by a bunch of cats. But then I clicked on another link and it led me to my favorite, the above anime mash up. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those pictures I will randomly look at when I'm in a bad mood and it will cheer me up. Much like this one. I love it so much I had it printed and put on my fridge so I can be happy all the time.

R.

I know I'm sleeping because this dream's too amazing

What I actually went to find was this poster I had on the back of my door when I was 10 of a cat hanging from a tree and it said "Hang in there!" It was very much like something you would see in a classroom and I'm not sure why I had it but it came in handy during a fight I had with my brother that culminated with me on the other side of the door screaming at him then beating a hole in the door with a batton. That hole was never discovered until we moved out of that house so that poster definitely served it's purpose. So my point is, this is the first picture that came up when I googled "hang in there" and I think it's more fitting of my attitude on this fine Monday afternoon.

So let's begin. I need a staycation. I can't afford a vacation but I just want a week to do nothing. Or something that doesn't involve work. That's why meth addicts are so lucky, they can just go on a bender in a cheap hotel room and not have a care in the world. I shouldn't complain, work isn't bad, it's just my own personal lethargy.

For part one of Ashley and Andrea's 30th birthday festivities, we went to Malibu Family Wines in, wherelse, Malibu. I have to say, it was really beautiful and would have been completely awesome if it weren't hot as fuck. As a complainer, this did not bode well for me and I actually ended up spending more time driving to and from the winery than I did at the actual locale. Whenever it's super hot in LA, I get really pissed off and usually say something along the lines of "I left Texas to get away from this heat." That's not really why I left Texas, but was definitely a bonus when the first summer rolled around and I didn't spend it sweating to death in the humidity and getting eaten alive by bugs. The smell of Off is something I do not miss at all. I guess to sum up this bit with a positive note, this is definitely somewhere I want to go again, but maybe in the fall when it's not so unbearable. But let's be honest, I'm just a pussy and can't handle anything mildly uncomfortable.

Part two consisted of karaoke at Sardo's, which is sometimes great b/c you can get in 3-4 songs throughout the night but also sometimes not because it attracts a sketchy crowd, the type that would go to a karaoke joint set up in a Von's shopping center. It was super crowded this time and I sadly was only able to sing one song. In fact, I would post a picture of me singing except I don't know how to do that. Regardless, it really was a fun, blurry evening that I will barely remember for a long time.

I'm such a chatterbox today because I am going to keep writing. I'm having trouble prioritizing my life at this point, basically because my main priority is playing and everything else is a distant second, third, etc. But I think I'm going to change that starting a few hours ago when I decided I was going to change that. First, excercise is going to be entered back into my life. Sure the gym in my building is dark and depressing but it's what I have to use and use it I shall. I will ride the shit out of that stationary bike, you just watch me. Also eating healthier, which means actually going to the grocery store instead of going out to eat everyday. This I can do, because I have done it before. Many times in fact. I also have a list of people I've been meaning to hang out with and either a) haven't gotten around to it or b) have made plans then cancelled when it came time to follow through. I am not a multitasker unfortunately, I have room to prioritize 2-3 people in my life at the time and they usually get the bulk of my attention. I'm sure those lucky few know who they are and they should be very happy, because they are my chosen ones. And I guess last thing I need to do is to stop spending money as if I have an unlimited supply because according to my bank statement, I do not. Paycheck to paycheck is no way to live my friends, and this must change. First step- got a new check register. Second step- actual enter the money I spend into said register. Third step- don't let the balance get to zero, or worse, go into the negatives. Basically once I do all of these things, which are very easy to do and I should easily transition into this new life very smoothly, my life will be perfect. It's that simple. Right now it's pretty fucking good, but I just want to take a few extra steps to get it to great. And.....scene.
R.

Running on empty

An hour and a half until my weekend begins. Hooray. That should be read without the emphasis an exclamation mark would provide because frankly I'm too tired to be excited. I'm going to start things off by being lazy tonight, most likely curled up in my bed watching random shit on Netflix. If I know me, a few eps of King of the Hill will be involved (a new addition to Netflix on demand or whatever they call it). I'm looking forward to feeling normal again tomorrow, which for me means not tired and not hungover. I almost don't rememeber what that feels like. I've been leading a Leaving Las Vegas existence the past few days. Okay, past 2 days, don't think that counts as a bender but sure feels like one. Blogs are so funny because I'm literally talking to myself. Well writing to myself. Like an online diary. Which is much better than my actual diary where I only write depressing shit. When I'm old and senile I'm going to read it and think my life really sucked.
Here's an amusing exchange I had with my coworker yesterday and it still amuses me.
Me: Guess what I got?
Her: Your period?
Me: No, audition times for Spy Kids 4. You were way off.
Not sure if anyone else finds it funny but it did make Ashley laugh and that's gotta count for something.
I have to work some more. Only an hour and 15 mins to go.
R.

I'm straight, and I want to take his place

Funny how when I say those lyrics, it doesn't make me sound straight at all.
I'm feeling the effects of last night pretty hard but somehow I've survived the day, only to punish myself again tonight with more libations (punishment will actually only occur during first drink or two until I get a buzz then pick up the next day in the form of a hangover). Of course this is in celebration of Ashley's 30th birthday and for the occassion we are going to Barbrix in Silver Lake. I like this plan b/c it involves both food and drinking. Oh and Ashley and Randy. They're cool too. I needed a break from work so I thought I would share this sort of pointless info. With nobody. What I'm really looking forward to is the joint birthday party Ashley will be throwing with Andrea on Saturday and it will involve wine during the day and karaoke during the night. I need to start thinking of songs now before I get there and pick something lame under pressure. Oooh...Under Pressure...that might be a good one. Whatever it is, it will involve serenading my lovely "A" ladies. Thank god I'm entertaining because I can't sing for shit.
R.

Can't spare a square

I want to punch this poster in the face.

On another note, I'm looking forward to our meeting this morning but only because bagels will be involved. And I'm assuming cream cheese. Oh, and speaking of cream cheese, I recently asked our receptionist if I could borrow a smidgen of her cream cheese that she had in the communal fridge. You know, the tiniest bit to cover my little bagel. But I was denied. Why you ask? Because, as she said, "I'm moving this weekend and I'm really poor." Didn't need the quotes there, I was paraphrasing. Anyway, at first I thought she was joking. I laughed and still proceeded to reach for a knife (no, not to stab her, to spread the cream cheese). But then she continued with an "I'm serious" (that was verbatim) at which point I laughed again and thought, this joke is going on too long and it's not that funny, I just want some fucking cream cheese. Finally I realized she was indeed serious and the whole incident ended as I gave her a prolonged "oooookkkkaaaayyyy" followed by an awkward silence while I put the cream cheese back in the fridge. But here's the thing, I had already taken some cream cheese without asking the week prior and apparently she hadn't noticed because I don't recall her searching around the office to find the culprit. Basically the lesson is this- don't ask for things, just take them and hope no one notices.
The end.
R.

We just might live the good life yet

So mortified went pretty well last night. Pretty, pretty well. And while my diary might not be the funniest, I was definitely given kudos for my delivery. Which made me think- why do I deliver things the way I do? Or anyone for that matter. Hmmm something to think about, if you have a lot of spare time like I do. I think my favorite reader/performer/participant? had to be the guy that addressed every journal entry to Mr. Belvedere. As a special guest they even had the kid from the show come up to read some award winning essay the guy had written when he was a pre-teen wherein he compared his struggles with sports (he wasn't good at them) to those of Helen Keller (she was deaf and blind). Needless to say, it was brilliant and hilarious. My favorite moment was when they announced that the "special guest" was there and I overheard one girl exclaim quietly to a friend "Mr. Belvedere!" Obviously unlike me she didn't do her research on 80's stars who are now dead (I'm talking about you, girl from Savannah Smiles). Anyway back to the kid, aka Wesley, from the show. I just looked at his imdb page and it's not true what they say about child actors not making it as adults. Because in fact just last year he played the role of Mr. Wyler in the feature "Buttf**ker." So take that world! (side note: while I'm sure Mr. Wyler was a meaty role, he did not in fact nab the title role of "Buttf**ker Man")
I feel like this post took a weird turn.
R.

Say hello to your friends....

My old roommate/current friend Rosemery gave me a mention on her blog. Now that she is a follower, that brings my readership up to 2 (including myself). I really like her blog, it focuses on "music, fashion, yummy food, tasty wine, funny people and inspiring folks" to quote her exactly. She knows a lot about this stuff, especially the funny people part, because she is of course friends with me. And she's a great dresser.

R.

Get Mortified

I'm doing Mortified again tonight at King King and in honor of it, thought I would post a little exchange between myself and Thomas Ian Nicholas, star of Rookie of the Year and object of my obsession as a pre-teen. We worked together over email on a project and now I will share with you the final email exchange.

Me:
By the way, I have a funny story to share with you. I don't know if you've heard of mortified but it's basically a reading series where people read from their childhood diaries and it's quite hilarious…I did it a few years ago and your name was mentioned a few times in reference to the crush I had on you as a 12 year old. Very innocent stuff but it got big laughs b/c a lot of it was my small town east Texas idea of what Hollywood is like. Anyway…the best line is at the end of one of the entries I say "if I ever meet him I will tell him how much joy he brought to my summer." So that's what I'm doing now…fulfilling that promise to my 12 year old self. I just thought it was funny and wanted to share :)

Him:
too funny... You're welcome and its a pleasure to finally meet you :)
Thank you so much for sharing that story with me...

I wish I could go back in time and tell 12 year old Reagan all about this. I would also tell her about the time Debbie Gibson randomly sang Lost in Your Eyes at a Rilo Kiley concert. Her little head would probably explode.

R.

Summer of George

Work for me can be painfully slow in the summer so during that time I'm going to entertain myself via this blog. And maybe, just maybe, entertain others along the way.
This week is upfronts which for you lay men and women out there means the time of year when networks cancel old shows and pick up new ones. Biggest surprise to me so far- One Tree Hill is apparently still on the air. Nothing I really care about is gone, unless you count Freaks and Geeks and My So-Called Life. I don't watch as much tv as I used to so I'm already not planning on watching any of the new shows.
I'm going through phase right now where I only want to play and don't want to work. I wonder what life would be like if that were the case. Probably awesome.
That's it for now. I'll try harder next time.
R.