Wednesday, I miss you.

Life is always better with TJ and Bastian around. And it almost always involves hot cheetos.

On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.

I thought I would have to wait til next season of Parks and Rec to find out who would be playing Tammy 1...but a little playing around on the internet proved otherwise. In the finale, the mere mention of Tammy 1 caused Tammy 2 to run off screaming- and this is someone Ron described as "programmed by someone from the future to come back and destroy all happiness." I can't wait to find out what kind of beast this Tammy 1 will be, but hopefully Patricia Clarkson won't let us down. Perhaps her experience on Fraser will help her transition back to tv comedy? [she types sarcastically] There's no doubt, she's a great actress but joining my favorite show puts a lot of pressure on her, from me personally. And I'm sure if she had any idea who I was, she might feel that pressure.



Tom: That’s right. Ron has two ex-wives. Each… named… Tammy.
Ron: Both of them bitches.

Anytime I see a bad actor, this scene pops into my head.

Winnie Le Pooh

My girl crush Mila Kunis really has improved her style in the past 10 years, as you can see by these photo examples, thank you aol. Wish I could say the same for myself. TJ really needs to submit me for What Not To Wear, I think the boyfriend submitting girlfriend angle might be better than I just want $5000 to spend on new clothes. And now that I included a link, maybe he will do it *hint*

Bastian sent me this website for the comic Doctor Cat and I'm already a little obsessed. It's terminal!

And speaking of Bastian, we're going to see this tomorrow. The preview makes me tear up a little every time I see it...thanks Keane.

I highly doubt these guys....


















will be anything near as awesome as these were.
















Didn't MTV learn their lesson with Skins? There's just no way to copy the brilliance that is the original.


And I really can't wait for this.

Oh life.

My day started out like this...




















but ended more like this.

"The fact is that I've developed a system of mediocre habit as if I'd been working on it for like 200 years. And it's in that rut of never learning or changing, but always feeling like you're about to- that's where I live, and that's the rut where I've decisively decided I am now content to go on living...I'll become just as happy as I've always been tempted to be" ---Benjamin Kunkel, Indecision

I'm so damn bored I'm going blind

First there was the the Green Day song which while not about our town specifically was representative of suckholes by the name of Longview everywhere. Then there was Hands on a Hardbody which basically put us on the map but only for other people in Texas. And now this big fat fatty. Born at the same hospital where little Reagan entered the world, albeit about 10 lbs lighter. What chance do you have in life when you come into the world obese? (that sentence is a bummer, sorry kid)

Okay Longview's not that bad, unless you never leave. It has a retrospective charm, I suppose. I remember one time on the front page of the The Longview News-Journal was an article about a local girl going to Dallas to audition for American Idol. Not because she was on the show or even made it past the first round, but because she was driving 2.5 hours away to just try out. At one point a girl from my school who once got hit by a car in high school (I took her flowers because I am very nice) was featured briefly on the show. I can't imagine what they did for her, but I'm imagining maybe a parade? Anyway, to get a good feel for what kind of place it is just check out this photo from the aptly named "This Week In Photos" section:



While this guy is obviously awesome, Longview has put out a few other celebrities.

Matthew McConaughey: Graduate of Longview High School and now famous shirtless wonder. There was a premiere for A Time To Kill at the local Movies 9, an establishment yours truly spent many of her formative years selling tickets to local patrons via the box office. And I was so freaking excited about it, when I got to stand at the door as MM entered I'm actually surprised my bow tie (a work requirement, not a fashion statement) didn't do this. I was so naive and unfamiliar with "Hollywood" that I didn't even realize at the time what a dick move it was for him to request that we go out to buy him a certain type of water because he didn't like the bottled water we sold at the theater. And I thought it was an honor I got to do this! And I wasn't even able to give it to him myself, but rather had to hand of to his bodyguard! Are you getting what I'm saying- the guy had done his first well known movie ( Dazed and Confused didn't make him famous, it did for a moment make him awesome) and he's already acting like some big shit a-hole. Puh-lease. (side note: I still do have the copy of Vanity Fair he signed for me...somewhere)

Let's move on...

Forrest Whitaker: He gave a shout out to East Texas when he won his Oscar and while he didn't specifically mention Longview, that is what he meant. I believe he's still listed in the phone book. Or so I've heard.

Robin Wright fka Robin Wright Penn: I think her parents live there or something?

And I think that about sums it up. I don't really know how I got from big baby to this, but sometimes life takes you on strange journeys while typing on your blog in bed.

It's the Japanese Porn Star diet. I can only eat paper, but I can eat all the paper I want

After reading this article on 10 Fad Diets To Never Try it made me think about how much time we (as in girls mostly, I guess...or gays as well) spend in our lifetime obsessing over food. Whether it be about eating too much, too little, what to eat, when to eat it, how many calories/fat grams/carbs and so on, it's enough to takeover a huge chunk (no pun intended) of anyone's time. For example, my life would be easier if I liked salad (everyone's argument- lettuce has no taste, which is my point exactly) or if I liked vegetables (I have a reputation for not liking green things even though one of the few veggies I like is indeed green beans and it's also my favorite color). So I'm left to my own devices to live off a diet that includes a melody of carbs and meat. I like fruit so I guess that's good, but I love things that are bad for me and thus my lifelong dilemma. No matter how little/healthy I eat or how much I work out I will never reach a day where I can say "I'm done, no more worrying about this." It just goes on and on and on. Never. Ending. But what are you gonna do? Anorexia isn't for me, I like food and I could never give it up. Bulemia, no thank you, it's gross and frankly pretty wasteful. Same goes for laxatives. Obesity, I'll consider it, but like the pact I made with my roommate, only when we both give up on life completely. It's funny that it took me a moment to even just consider eating in moderation as an option. And by funny, I mean sad. So I guess I'm lucky that I don't tend to try the fad diets or the eating disorders. Instead I will just continue to wake up every morning already thinking of what I want for lunch and spend my lunch times eating a sandwich and fruit when all I want is to gorge on pizza and fries. It's called tough choices people, and sadly I have to make them on a daily basis.

Thank you Men Of A Certain Age for reminding me how much I love this song.

Like Father, Like Son

The Great Burrito Challenge

Today I made an uplanned stop at Rick's Drive In and Out and decided to get a burrito for lunch. I had no idea the thing would be mosterous but I won't lie- I wasn't upset that it was. I was only mildly embarassed that my coworker caught me eating it, seemingly with no intention of stopping half way and every intention of being ridiculously messy with the salsa (napkins used = too many to count). Now I'm left with a borderline uncomfortably full belly and the extreme desire to nap. But aside from the deliciousness I inhaled, one other good thing came out of this. I think I may have discovered a place with a bean and cheese burrito as good as the ones at Benito's. Considering I had roughly one every weekend during the time I lived less than half a block away, I think it's fair to say I...love...Benito's. And it tastes even better at 4 in the morning. But after my mid-day Rick's experience I have only one choice- to institute my own Great Burrito Challenge. Rick vs Benito. Bean and cheese vs bean and cheese. Most of all it comes down to the hot sauce- both hot enough to almost verge on painful (for me at least) but not so hot as to not enjoy it. The very definition of "hurts so good." It's the perfect balance, in this girls opinion. So there you go, a random lunch turned into a personal food challenge. Who knew I would have such a productive Monday?

***it should be noted that this challenge will probably never happen but a girl can dream, can't she?

signs signs everywhere a sign

Happiness.